Mad Martian - Haunted Houses

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2000 Portland, Oregon Haunted House Guide

Explanation of ratings

Click on the title for review details.

Haunted Hollywood
Institute of Terror [recommended]
Dr. Saito's Screamland
Nightmare on Alder
Haunting of Knight's Bridge
Monster Factory 2000 [recommended]

Haunted Hollywood Beaverton Mall. Look for the fire. Overall Rating = 4.
Good	Not So Good
Fire! Cool fire effects. Don't leave the waiting area without seeing the doors burst open with flame!	Too many child actors. Elevator effect was not working. Writing needs work. Not scary. Pretty short.

Institute of Terror Portland Meadows. Overall Ratings: Terror = 4, Terror Too (3D) = 7.
Good	Not So Good
Terror - The butcher was enthusiastic.	Main house was surprisingly static. Seemed like some volunteers didn't show up. Empty maze was a waste. Over-priced.
Terror Too (3D) - Cool 3D effects. Many animated items. Much cooler than the main house. A must see for Portland.	3D house was cool - not much to say here.

Dr. Saito's Screamland SE 82nd & King. Overall Ratings: Freak Show = 5, Fun House = 4.
Good	Not So Good
Cool posters outside depict scenes inside. The spider woman was cool.	Freak Show was surprisingly static. Seemed like they ran out of money. Over-priced.
	Fun House - Same 3D effects as Terror Too above, but not as well done. No point in going to this when you can go to a much better one that uses the 3D effects.

Nightmare on Alder SW Alder and 5th. Overall Rating: 3.
Good	Not So Good
	Several staff were missing. Not much going on. Over-priced.

Haunting of Knights Bridge Knights Bridge Rd in CanbyOverall Rating: 5.
Good	Not So Good
	Over-dependence on poorly dressed pop-up mechanical stuff.

Monster Factory 2000 6517 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale HighwayOverall Rating: 6.
Good	Not So Good
Evil clowns Flying body parts Not for children Good value

EXPLANATION OF RATINGS

10	Great	5	Fair/Average
9	Very Good	4	Below Average
8	Good	3	Kinda Weak
7	Pretty Good	2	Weak
6	Above Average	1	Gawdawful

Ratings range from 1 to 10, 10 being best. You will notice virtually no haunted houses at the top of the ratings. This is because I have been to some great haunted houses, and most of the ones out here just don't compare. A "10" would be the Haunted Schoolhouse and Haunted Laboratory in Akron, OH. It will take you 1.5 hours to walk through both haunted houses, each taking up 4 floors of an old school building. The property is used solely for the haunted house, which they work on all year to prepare for Halloween. We have nothing that even comes close.

What makes a haunted house good or bad? Here are a few things:

GOOD	BAD
Good acting with real characters that don't just jump out and scream.	10 year olds in Freddy Kruger masks going "AHHHH!"
Cool electrical and lighting effects.	Oh boy, a strobe!
Convincing gore.	A bottle of ketchup and some rubber limbs.
Cool mechanical effects and surprises.	Someone shaking a can of beans.